Leave Your Parents To Love Them
This is for the angsty teenagers out there — your independence is more than just an excuse to drink on a Wednesday, it’s an invite to love your parents more.
Babies Are Cute, 18 year-olds are Dicks
This isn’t advice for everyone.
It’s for the young adults, who despite hating it, still living with their parents.
If that’s you, read on.
Now, if you’re lucky enough to grow up with 2 loving parents, then you’ve no doubt had a comfortable life thus far.
You’re accustom to hot meals, a roof over your head, a warm bed to sleep in, a safety net to rely on and two loving parents to guide you through life.
These parents are the ones who will show you unconditional love — despite your hissy fits, temper tantrums, hormonal rage and your lack of sensitivity and appreciation.
Despite the drawbacks, millions of happy couples apply for this job every year with vigour, enthusiasm and elation.
To give you an example of the job description:
- Tidy up after messy cunts
- Can’t have a pint with them till they’re 18
- Not that funny until they’re older
- Clean their literal shit out of multiple places
- Pay them a Salary for 18 years
I’ll tell you this fucking much, i certainly wouldn’t hand in my CV.
Now, it’s not all bad, maybe i’m just a pessimist, or a 22 year-old guy who finds nothing more terrifying than the thought of having kids.
Sure, when they’re first born they have cute little hands, adorable eyes and can make you buckle with laughter with the simplest giggle.
And sure, they start to grow up and you get to show them everything you’ve learned — kicking a football for the first time, trying pizza, riding a bike, watching Lord of the Rings, and everything else that accompanies everyday life.
And yes, eventually you’ll see them develop in to young adults — they’ll get their first job, win competitions at their high school, come home drunk from their first party — and i can only imagine you experience this with a messy mixture of pride, joy, disappointment and confusion.
But eventually, and i mean eventually, they’ll have their 18th birthday. Or maybe their 16th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd or so on. Regardless of the specific age, around this time they start to become adults with their own needs, wants and desires.
Accompanied by individuality is usually a lack of harmony within a household. The needs and desires of an 18 year-old are vastly different from a 50-year old.
At this point i want to switch the viewpoint from those of a parent to those of you reading — the 18–24 cohort.
To give you an example, I moved out of my parents house when i was 19 years old.
Before that, you could say my relationship with my parents was civil at best.
I tolerated them and they tolerated me.
We’d argue over the simplest of things. I’d be pissed off because they hoovered at 9am on a Saturday morning while i was hungover. They’d be pissed off because i was an unappreciative, self-righteous, overly-confident, little prick.
Because i’d grown up for so long in an environment where everything was done for me, i never noticed how much they sacrificed for me.
It wasn’t a good living environment for anyone. I couldn’t comprehend, or simply didn’t care to appreciate, how much i took for granted. I lived in a fantasy world where the washing, cooking, cleaning, rent & bills was all done and paid for by magical fairies.
This ignorance of the sacrifices my parents made only increased the gap between our life philosophies. I wanted to get pissed on a Wednesday because i never had to think about cooking, cleaning or paying the bills. Conversely, they got pissed at me on a Wednesday because i came in at 3am drunk while they had work the next morning.
But it’s more than just alternative views on how best to live life.
It’s also about having a healthy space to discover your own individuality — your own adulthood.
In our formative years, we start to discover our own ego’s, man/womanhoods, and truly form our own personalities. Without sounding too much like some scummy Pick-Up Artist, you start to become your own Alpha.
Becoming an adult means you know what you like.
You like to have your own bedtime, you like to have your own cleaning schedule, you want your own food in the fridge, you want to be able to get pissed on a thursday because you feel like it, you want what you want.
Unfortunately, your wants and your parents wants almost never align.
I mean i can’t imagine getting up at 8am on a Saturday to play golf with my Dad. I also can’t imagine fundraising for Dogs Trust on a Sunday afternoon with my Mum. Similarly, i can’t imagine either of my parents wanting to come to a festival, gub some MDMA, and dance around with a can of lukewarm Fosters in a muddy field in the Scottish countryside.
When your priorities don’t align, it’s unlikely that you’ll have a congruent, kindred, calm living environment.
It’s therefore best, in my opinion, to move out.
I can speak from experience here — my relationship with my parents has increased tenfold since i moved out.
I learned how to be an adult, how to pay my own bills, how to survive on my own. During this, i gained an appreciation for everything my parents have, and still do for me.
I mean… when you have to wash every dish by hand in your scummy, constantly blocked sink, you realise how easy it is to put your dish in a dishwasher.
Secondly, the time away from them makes you miss them. As a result, you start to really value and cherish the little time you have with them. You’ll really look forward to the visits home, or hearing your dads voice on the phone, or the embrace of your mother.
Hell, you might end up golfing at 8am on a Saturday or fundraising for Dogs Trust on a Sunday afternoon.
Mum and Dad, i’m sorry for being such an inconsiderate little wank when i was younger.
I was naive, unappreciative and simply ignorant to how much you do for me.
Now that we’ve had some time away, i have more love, appreciation and respect than ever before.
And that’s exactly the advice i have for you, the 18–24 year-old reader who still lives with their parents.
If that’s you, and your relationship is strained by incompatible needs, desires and wants, then move out.
Find a fucking job, apply for a student loan, busk on the streets in the pissing rain — just do whatever it takes to gain your independence.
Once you have that, and you truly understand what it takes to survive, then you’ll know exactly what i’m talking about.
To truly love your parents, you have to leave them.
P.S — Not everyone has a strained relationship with their parents. Some young adults can live in perfect harmony and simply don’t see the point. Fair fucks to you, do what you want, live that life, but remember, at some point you’re going to have to move on and grow up. In my opinion, it’s better sooner rather than later.