Brotherhood — What It Means To Me

An ode to our siblings.

Photo By Author

Introduction

This is my brother — Andrew.

We grew up in the same house, ate the same food, went to the same school, and in the end, travelled to the same destinations.

Like most brothers we’re simultaneously alike and different.

We have a shared passion of entrepreneurship, similar life philosophies, and the same underlying cynicism. In short we relate through our morals and inherent character.

Yet while the fundamentals remain congruent, the details stray haphazardly.

While I’m deeply passionate about coffee, music and movies; Andrew drinks instant, rarely makes playlists and finds himself surprised by a new movie release. Weird, right?

On the flip side he has a deep fascination with pursuits that I find myself unbothered by. At different times he’s taken up, and shown aptitude in mountain biking, swimming, trading, gardening, and beer-brewing — all while I’ve watched supportively from the sidelines.

However large our differences, our character and shared upbringing has ensured a lasting, lucrative brotherhood that pays dividends daily. This bond has strengthened through many experiences — both seemingly unimportant, and formative too:

We played RuneScape, hit puberty, drank 2 Litre bottles of Strongbow in the forest, got girlfriends, passed our driving tests, finished high school, went to the pub, snuck out the house, completed university, started businesses together, and so much more.

It’s unlike any other relationship.

Naturally, our relationship has matured over the years with pivotal life experiences progressing our bond to a place of strength and reliance.

The Development Of Brotherhood

I love my brother.

But, he can also be a wank.

I’m sure he feels the same way.

We’re all cunts at some point or another.

Fortunately, for the 99% I admire him for the tenacious, hard-working, undeniably singular individual he is. As the younger brother It was always Andrew I looked to for advice and direction:

• When I scraped my knee at 8 years-old, and immediately started crying It was Andrew that said, and changed my perspective on pain, when he asked me “Are you a man or a mouse?”
• When he showed interest in entrepreneurship, It acted as a catalyst and sparked a passion within myself.
• When I’m facing a problem I can’t solve it’s almost always Andrew I call.

Our relationship has changed over the years, but when we were younger I always looked at him as an irrefutable example of ‘right’.

He was always the cooler big brother — one step ahead. As I was still enamoured with Nerf Guns, Football and LoTR; he was embracing alcohol, girls, and teenage rebellion.

He was a walking example of what I would, and should be doing — provided I followed in his footsteps.

When I reached those formative years myself, It was Andrew who bought me my first bottle of Strongbow (which I proceeded to hide in the forest to evade the suspicions of my parents). Furthermore, It was him I called afterwards to drunkenly mumble incomprehensible shite over the phone.

Our relationship strengthened during these shared teenage years. Not only due to a new-found understanding, but for the first time I realised my brother wasn’t perfect (in a good way).

I watched him get in trouble from my parents for being a stroppy wee cunt that did dangerous shit on the weekend. It was these years that shattered the ‘irrefutable example of right’ illusion. He wasn’t just the brother that excelled at exams, taught me how to play rugby, showed me how to be a man, and passed his driving test first time.

He was also a real person for the first time, someone with weaknesses as well as strengths — someone who couldn’t fulfil the ideation of perfection.

I really consider this to be a pivotal turning point in our relationship — It allowed me some breathing room to be less than perfect, It tuned my understanding of what it meant to be human. It allowed us to be more relational; we could bond over our struggles now too.

This new found strength found concrete foundations when I moved in to my first flat and he embarked on an 8-month world tour. Ironically, It was separation that brought us closer together.

For the first time a real physical distance was present between us. No longer were we separated by 2 doors and 5 feet of hallway but by countries, oceans, continents.

It gave me the room to really consider what I missed, admired, loved about my brother. My attitude changed. No longer did I take it as a granted, given, universal constant. He was someone I was grateful for, someone I treasured.

When he returned we (uncharacteristically) went out for meals, planned Sunday hikes, talked late in to the night. Although we still had our disputes, our relationship had matured to a new level.

From that point on, Andrew’s someone I’ll turn to for council. Not only does his experience resonate with me, but also his attitude and philosophy on life. As brothers we’re characteristically alike.

Recently we decided to travel together across southeast Asia, and the experience taught me many things — primarily how beneficial it is to navigate adversity with a sibling.

Travelling With A Sibling

In short — It’s tough, straining, eye-opening, and worth every single second.

My brother and I have always been captivated by the idea of travelling. From the age of 10 I can remember being engulfed by a burning desire — an absolute need — to see beyond the borders of Scotland. I’m unsure of where this unspoken love comes from as both our parents are criminally under-travelled but regardless, It’s the way we are.

So when the opportunity to cross Vietnam on motorbikes presented itself, we both jumped on it. In late May Andrew flew out to Hanoi so we could have some brotherly adventures.

The first moments of our reunification were, for me, a complete relief — a release from the exhaustion of spending the last 3 months of making new friends, talking to strangers & socially spending myself.

Alas, some normalcy, some common-ground.

Over the next couple weeks we travelled Vietnam & Thailand while tackling food poisoning, missed bus connections & a ridiculous amount of booze.

Here’s some of the things I noticed:

1. We’re still very independent individuals & that’s a good thing. Even whilst travelling together, we often found ourselves doing different things. While he was exploring the city, I’d do some morning yoga. When I’d call it early from a night out, he’d be out til’ later with new friends. When our plans and desires were incompatible, we felt no obligation to satisfy the other’s plans. But even without obligation we found ourselves doing similar things anyways — we took a Muay Thai class, had coffee/lunch/dinner & laughed nostalgically at past experiences.
2. You witness a different side to your sibling. For me I didn’t understand how careful Andrew had to be with food due to his peanut allergy. I didn’t know what sort of foods he loved, and what he hated. I didn’t know that he burns the candle at both ends — sending it at night, running 5k’s the following morning without complaint. I didn’t know that he loved fruit so much. I didn’t know he was so much more socially confident than myself. It was really interesting discovering the intricacies of what makes Andrew, Andrew.
3. Overcoming adversity brings you closer together. Backpacking isn’t easy. It’s stressful, exhausting, confusing and often you’ll be tempted to take it out on who you’re travelling with. You’ll do things to piss each other off, and we both did over the course of the couple weeks. But all conflict isn’t bad, in fact overcoming said conflict brings you closer together. When you really understand the bond of sibling-hood, you realise that neither of you are going anywhere — you might as well use these points of conflict as learning opportunities, as a way of strengthening your bond.

Travelling with a sibling isn’t all milk and honey. It’s tough, stressful and can be littered with arguments if you’re not careful. But for every shitty, annoying, cunty thing there’s 3 parts amazing:

1. It’s amazing sharing thoughts about your upbringing, concerns, and goals in life.
2. It’s great seeing a different side to your sibling.
3. It’s great strengthening a life-long bond.

What I Admire About Him

I admire my brother, and it’s these characteristics specifically that inspire me the most:

1. Work Ethic — When Andrew really sets his mind to something, he always puts in 100% effort. When he was running businesses, it’d be all or nothing. When he wants to get fit, he’ll be in the gym, running, swimming, getting a sweat on. When he wants to learn how to trade he’ll teach himself through endless hours of research and tutorials. It’s undoubtedly some of his work ethic that’s rubbed off on me and I’m forever grateful for it.
2. Unapologetically himself — My brother’s a fucking weirdo. The cunt drinks instant coffee, barely cares about the flavour of food, and buys shit beater cars (amongst many other things). His brain just works differently, and for anyone who’s had a conversation with him, they’ll tell you the same thing. His oddities and refusal to apologise for them is one of the things I love most about him. He never hides, makes excuses, or even bothers to explain any of his strange ways — he is the way he is and if you don’t like it, fuck you.
3. Always there for me — Having a brother like Andrew makes me confident. Regardless of the problem I’m facing, he’s got my back. It doesn’t matter the magnitude, or complexity, he’s always there.

Conclusion

Siblings are for life.

They’re on the home team, wearing your colours, supporting from the sidelines.

Thus, it makes sense to appreciate them and love them regardless of your differences. That means putting in effort, arranging phone calls, making time for another, putting up with each other’s shit.

It’s all worth it.

The bond of sibling-hood is special and unlike any other relationship. Not only are you genetically similar, you’ve also experienced similar upbringings. This leads to a relationship and relatability unlike anything else — something you can build, strengthen, and rely on in times of need.

My brother Andrew can be an inconsiderate wank. He can be too loud when I’m trying to sleep, he makes this super annoying grogging noise with his mouth and he’s the most ADHD cunt I know.

Luckily he’s also the most hard-working, tenacious, oddly caring, utterly unique individual that always has my back.

To Andrew — Love you bro xx

As Always,

Yours Honestly,

Liam Lawson.