Bad Days

Like, anyone i have good days and i have bad days.

On good days, i feel like i can take on anything or anyone at any time in any place. My confidence is supreme and seemingly insurmountable challenges become specks of dust in my peripheral.

On bad days, i feel like the world is crashing around me. It feels like everything up until this point has been a lie. I feel like a covert spy in the body of the real Liam Lawson. An imitator of what i was before.

I have way more good days than bad days.

I thank a healthy diet, regular exercise and a tidy living environment for that.

Even though my bad days are few and far between they still come. Often unexpectedly they manifest in my subconscious and strike at random times. When they come, they floor me for the day.

I’m sure some can relate. You wake with a hazy idea of what it was you were supposed to do that day but never quite remembering. Your day lumbers on, but your to-do-list remains untouched. Where Tuesday the 28th of May 2021 was supposed to be a day of productivity and happiness, it has instead concluded in laziness and shame.

This was my day today.

Today was for suffocating in self-doubt for no logical reason at all.

Today was also for finding perspective amongst the self-hate and shame. I realised that this attitude is a choice for me. I don’t need to feel like this, there’s no reason that i should roll over, present my belly and have my fur stroked by malignant thoughts.

I can choose to feel better. More importantly, i can choose to perform actions that make me feel better. Instead of marking today as the start of a long period of ‘blueness’, i marked it as a day to reset for tomorrow.

Instead of wallowing in more self-pity i decided to clean and organise my room, journal to alleviate the pressure on my thoughts, write this article and re-align myself.

The trick to today was keeping perspective. My thoughts turned against me today, they told me:

“You feel bad, you doubt yourself, you can’t do this”

What’s madness to think is that these are just thoughts presented to my mind’s eye from seemingly nowhere. I didn’t wake up with the intention to feel shit, i didn’t choose this; my brain simply assumed a ‘sad’ position today.

Instead of remaining submerged in a suffocating sea of self-pity i chose to mark this as a dip in the attitude and mindset from which i could grow.

Yes, i went backwards but i’m simply at a previous checkpoint.

Time to start moving upwards.

I wrote this article to express my thoughts but also to let anyone else reading this know that they’re not alone. We all have bad days, let’s talk about it.

As Always,

Yours Honestly,

Liam Lawson.